So sorry for going offline for so long...
Been reading up during covid:
Quatum Physics
Chinese dramas
moving house
sign up programmes to be better
Friday, May 29, 2020
I am back!
So sorry for going offline for so long...
Been reading up during covid:
Quatum Physics
Chinese dramas
moving house
sign up programmes to be better
Been reading up during covid:
Quatum Physics
Chinese dramas
moving house
sign up programmes to be better
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Beautiful life?
I had a beautiful life.
Graduated from NUS, had a good career with Singapore’s largest media company. MediaCorp.
3 private properties at the age of 33.
Driving a BMW 5 series then. My fifth car in a row. Rover Coupe, Volvo S40, Volvo S60, Audi A4 before that.
Dabbled in casino and lost 1M cash. Half from banks, half from own hard earned money and sale of one of the properties.
Almost crashed and burnt, almost forced for bankruptcy by one of the banks.
Lost 1Mil in 8 weeks. Took 8 years to recover.
Life… had it had fooled me. Bringing me a roller coaster ride one wave after another…
.
Made my first 1Mil before 32, lost it at 34… took 8 years to recover. And I did.
Fell in love with a woman in a club, with her for 3 years. Thought it was true love. Turn out not. Went back to gambling to try and appease her with goodies. What the heck!
Now I am back to square one with a very broken heart.
I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters and WTH am I in this state.
Scary part is, I cant seem to forget her. Every moment, will think what she is doing, who is she with. She already made it clear that we are just friends. I heard it before from other relationships. But when it happens to me, it hurts so badly. Friends? After 3 years of ups and downs and now you say friends?… I cant imagine you with another guy, talking love with you, making love with you.
I know… I am married, but I did not expect this part of the story as part of my life. Now that I am down and out, finance in trouble, work not stable, relationships- I have none. Neither my wife or her is doing me any good. No one is giving me their attention. I am all alone. Suicidal… not yet. But very alone and lonely. All that are going through my head is very negative. Finance. Hurt. Job. Unloved.
What can I do now… mind is all about her and yet I know I cant live on like this. Heart pains every now and then. Trying to love my wife back but can sense she doesn't wanna be taken as second fiddle. Neither do I. But what can I do. I need to forget her and move on with my life. She already made it very clear. I have made too many mistakes and thats why she letting me go. She is happily entertained now by her friends. And I am left with a broken family. Punishment?
I really don't know what to make up of life now... hence putting this fateful experience in words. Maybe someone can pick this up and tell me what to do. Ask God... no reply (yet), I don't wanna give up, but seriously feel that life is drawing me short, bringing me closer to Lucifer... God, please look out for me. I don't think i wanna go hell. I repent. But not sure repent is what I know it is. Help me.
Friday, August 12, 2016
Differences between a couple...
Guess I will just write then...
I was sad when you said we are not meeting later part of the night. Two Fridays in a roll. How much does it tell me that we are drifting apart? You rather spend time with your friends than me. It's pathetic for me to voice this out, makes me feel like I am helpless and that I keep clinging onto you, while you so cool and willing not to meet.
Guess I have stressed you out with my demands. You had yours too, frankly. I won't go down the list knowing we will fight again. I have always love you with all my heart. I only know 相见恨晚, and that's what happened to us.
All I am asking for is just a verbal assurance (even once will do) that you are mine and I have nothing to worry about. Asking you is like (a big piece) of skin off your back. Is it your pride or is just that you don't know how to express yourself over affairs of the heart? Why is it so difficult for you? If I am in your heart, tell me, if not show me. I have been trying very hard to find a place in your heart... after all my efforts, I believe I am in your heart. But you are like my examiner, you have to let me know my results. I have taken many tests in my whole life and your test is the most difficult of all. I just want to know if I pass with flying colours for your test. This is the test that I have worked very hard on and I wanna excel on it!!!
Guess you are tired of trying and that also discouraged me from holding on. I am your giver (you are my giver too and I knowledge that sincerely) and I want to give willingly as well. But at least motivate me well. You can talk so sweet to your two boys yet you can't do that for me or even Gerald. Are we not your loves as well? Why so hard for you to express yourself to me?
I was sad when you said we are not meeting later part of the night. Two Fridays in a roll. How much does it tell me that we are drifting apart? You rather spend time with your friends than me. It's pathetic for me to voice this out, makes me feel like I am helpless and that I keep clinging onto you, while you so cool and willing not to meet.
Guess I have stressed you out with my demands. You had yours too, frankly. I won't go down the list knowing we will fight again. I have always love you with all my heart. I only know 相见恨晚, and that's what happened to us.
All I am asking for is just a verbal assurance (even once will do) that you are mine and I have nothing to worry about. Asking you is like (a big piece) of skin off your back. Is it your pride or is just that you don't know how to express yourself over affairs of the heart? Why is it so difficult for you? If I am in your heart, tell me, if not show me. I have been trying very hard to find a place in your heart... after all my efforts, I believe I am in your heart. But you are like my examiner, you have to let me know my results. I have taken many tests in my whole life and your test is the most difficult of all. I just want to know if I pass with flying colours for your test. This is the test that I have worked very hard on and I wanna excel on it!!!
Guess you are tired of trying and that also discouraged me from holding on. I am your giver (you are my giver too and I knowledge that sincerely) and I want to give willingly as well. But at least motivate me well. You can talk so sweet to your two boys yet you can't do that for me or even Gerald. Are we not your loves as well? Why so hard for you to express yourself to me?
Differences between a couple...
Guess I will just write then...
I was sad when you said we are not meeting later part of the night. Two Fridays in a roll. How much does it tell me that we are drifting apart? You rather spend time with your friends than me. It's pathetic for me to voice this out, makes me feel like I am helpless and that I keep clinging onto you, while you so cool and willing not to meet.
Guess I have stressed you out with my demands. You had yours too, frankly. I won't go down the list knowing we will fight again. I have always love you with all my heart. I only know 相见恨晚, and that's what happened to us.
All I am asking for is just a verbal assurance (even once will do) that you are mine and I have nothing to worry about. Asking you is like (a big piece) of skin off your back. Is it your pride or is just that you don't know how to express yourself over affairs of the heart? Why is it so difficult for you? If I am in your heart, tell me, if not show me. I have been trying very hard to find a place in your heart... after all my efforts, I believe I am in your heart. But you are like my examiner, you have to let me know my results. I have taken many tests in my whole life and your test is the most difficult of all. I just want to know if I pass with flying colours for your test. This is the test that I have worked very hard on and I wanna excel on it!!!
Guess you are tired of trying and that also discouraged me from holding on. I am your giver (you are my giver too and I knowledge that sincerely) and I want to give willingly as well. But at least motivate me well. You can talk so sweet to your two boys yet you can't do that for me or even Gerald. Are we not your loves as well? Why so hard for you to express yourself to me?
I was sad when you said we are not meeting later part of the night. Two Fridays in a roll. How much does it tell me that we are drifting apart? You rather spend time with your friends than me. It's pathetic for me to voice this out, makes me feel like I am helpless and that I keep clinging onto you, while you so cool and willing not to meet.
Guess I have stressed you out with my demands. You had yours too, frankly. I won't go down the list knowing we will fight again. I have always love you with all my heart. I only know 相见恨晚, and that's what happened to us.
All I am asking for is just a verbal assurance (even once will do) that you are mine and I have nothing to worry about. Asking you is like (a big piece) of skin off your back. Is it your pride or is just that you don't know how to express yourself over affairs of the heart? Why is it so difficult for you? If I am in your heart, tell me, if not show me. I have been trying very hard to find a place in your heart... after all my efforts, I believe I am in your heart. But you are like my examiner, you have to let me know my results. I have taken many tests in my whole life and your test is the most difficult of all. I just want to know if I pass with flying colours for your test. This is the test that I have worked very hard on and I wanna excel on it!!!
Guess you are tired of trying and that also discouraged me from holding on. I am your giver (you are my giver too and I knowledge that sincerely) and I want to give willingly as well. But at least motivate me well. You can talk so sweet to your two boys yet you can't do that for me or even Gerald. Are we not your loves as well? Why so hard for you to express yourself to me?
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Special edition: Greed- another shift in paradigm that almost caused my life and lose my family
Case sharing:
Life is interesting. Manage your expectations. Always expect the unexpected. Be it good or bad. Expect the worst, hope for the best. So that you will not get disappointed. I have been a very positive chap since young. I came from a very poor family and never knew what wealth was. Father was a taxi driver and he gambled most of his time. Parents divorced at the age of 16. Study was a mess and got involved in secret triads as a teenager. Until I met my Secondary school sec 3 form teacher who maybe saw the bright of me.
Insisted I become the class monitor. From there, I then knew what leadership was and what it could lead me to. Charisma and wit, that will bring me very far. Graduated with a computer science degree at state's top university. Was appointed a business development director in a national media company by 26.
Read Robert Kiyosaki's in a day at the age of 28. Felt financially enlightened and started checking out on investing in properties. At the age of 33, I owned 2 freehold properties worth S$2.5m. It was easy money. I got greedy and arrogant. I was at the top of the world. And what do people say about easy money: Easy come, Easy go. I had $500k cash, 2 condominiums worth $2.5m, $300k in provident funds, $400k in insurance and $300k worth of watches from Lange to AP to IWC to GP to Ball to Rolex but it was never enough. Insatiable appetite for wealth if I must admit. Greed took over at age 35 wanting 1M cold hard cash (so that i can semi retire by 40) despite the fact that I already have almost 4m assets. My gearing was low at 1.5m loans vs 4m assets. But my greed obscured me from seeing all these.
My downfall came at 35 years old when I was brought to a casino ship for the first time. Won $6k with $2k capital over baccarat games. And I was like OMG! 6k in 3 hours a day??? 15 days a month meaning up to $100k! And i have another 15 days for leisure. So what if I lose a few days, still can average at 50k!? Fell in love instantly with the easy winning. Mind you, at 35, I was earning 18k a month as a regional sales manager with the top social media company then. And working from home. I had all the time in world and I was hitting target month on month for 2 years.
Within a year of visiting the evil ship, I lost 200k, felt terrible and stopped. Joined a global media company as a senior sales director and worked damn hard to recover my lose. Within 3 months, I nailed a 1M deal and commission was 75k usd! Knew I am halfway back and surprisingly things got worst...
The local casino opened and I was tempted to go. Hesitated a few times and decided to go during office lunch time in my BMW 5 series and told myself not to be greedy like last time. Won 500 to 2k for a month and first month I won 75k!!! Almost bought a Mercedes SLK worth 75k as a second car. In the end, I told myself to buy a condominium property instead. This was the most rational decision while greed was unfolding me all over again. People laughed at me for buying the condo at 1700 psf. No one laughing now. But property market is in a slump currently. So I don't have the last laugh as I thought I would. By the 2nd month at the casino, due to luck at the right time, I won 100k in 3 days with a capital of 2k! Greed finally unfolded me. I lost 200k at cruise and now I am back at 550k just so I thought. Hell broke lose at the 3rd month onwards where I lost 100k+ a month. Continuously for 6 months, I lost 1M cash. 500k cash and 500k overdraft from banks. And i owed $50k to loan shark at 3% a day. Do your math and you will know how scary it is as I was owing them for 3 months. I was down to zero cash by then as well. Imagine you had mid six digits in your state bank 6 months ago and now it's showing almost zero. I was 37 then... I got into depression and it was my wife and family that raised me out of negativity. Suicide thought was frequent and I stare into walls for hours for weeks. Went to a gambling help group and realised that I am not alone. One chap at 40 lost 2 bungalows worth 6m. Six times more than me at 3 years age difference. He shared humbly that now he drives a truck and prays to God every moment his time permits. I saw some light then and awaken that I must bring myself up again. Only I myself can do it, no one else can.
Now I only pray that life will turn better. At 42 now, I live humbly. I took 5 years to pay back 500k that I owed the banks with 100k interest. Along the way, certain trials will follow me through but now I have God watching my back as long as I do good. I am on a constant watch to make sure greed doesn't visit me because I know I can't go through one more of this ordeal again. If not for me, but for my family. I pray the moment I wake up to ask for God to help me get through the day. And thank Him before I sleep that I can have a restful sleep.
Life is much simpler now. Cut down on alcohol and just focus on work. Trials are everywhere but I fight back better now. For the one I love, I wanna work hard and buy the next condominium. Saving as hard as I can and yet maintain our lifestyle (not easy but ever trying and not giving up easily). Pray for me just as I will pray for you if you are going through the same trials I have had. Amen.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Money... the root of all evil
How true it is... Siblings fight over one another over money, parents and children over heirloom, friends scheme and kill each other for it. Lovers give up love over money. Couples divorced cos there isn't enough or the husband is not dependable to rein in more it. People are killed over money, wars are waged for money. The list goes on...
In a relationship, if both are financially strong, money is lesser of a problem. But when both parties value money differently, trust me- hell breaks loose! Who pay for meals? Who pays for shopping? What $tandard of gift is expected on special occasions? Etc.
Sadly, most of the finance weightage is based on the guy's income. Affordability to maintain a decent spending relationship is never easy. $1000 could be 50% of what boyfriend A has, but to her, it may be considered small money. Another rich guy B could offer easily $2000, at that's maybe only 10% of his income. While the absolute value is definitely higher by rich guy B, is the % considered? A is willing to give half of what he has cos he loves her. B is highly affordable but only layout 10% of his earnings. Who will you go for? Well, that will really depend on the value of money viewed by the woman.
In a relationship, if both are financially strong, money is lesser of a problem. But when both parties value money differently, trust me- hell breaks loose! Who pay for meals? Who pays for shopping? What $tandard of gift is expected on special occasions? Etc.
Sadly, most of the finance weightage is based on the guy's income. Affordability to maintain a decent spending relationship is never easy. $1000 could be 50% of what boyfriend A has, but to her, it may be considered small money. Another rich guy B could offer easily $2000, at that's maybe only 10% of his income. While the absolute value is definitely higher by rich guy B, is the % considered? A is willing to give half of what he has cos he loves her. B is highly affordable but only layout 10% of his earnings. Who will you go for? Well, that will really depend on the value of money viewed by the woman.
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